Why can't I get some plain ol' mayonnaise???

:)

Ok, so I'm sitting here flipping thru the TV channels, looking for ESPN. I want to see the results from the NFL combine, which is where college football players who have made themselves eligible for the NFL Draft are put through a series of workouts by NFL scouts which will ultimately determine where they are taken in the draft. I have developed a special interest in the combine ever since I realized that I'll never be a pro football player.
So I'm flipping. I go through ESPN 1, ESPN 2, ESPN news, and ESPN Classic. I'm like, "Damn! When did there get to be so many ESPN's?" As usual, ESPN1 is playing SportCenter. I leave it there hoping that I'll catch the combine results, and I go make a sandwich.
I have all the usual components: bread, sliced turkey, and mayonnaise. As I make the sandwich, Stuart Scott comes on TV and annoys the shit out of me. Apparently, somewhere in his mind, he figures that: Black people are cool. I'm Black. So therefore...I'm cool. NOT!
SO, I take my sandwich, sit down, and watch TV. I bite into it and there's something not quite right. Something tastes funny. I get up, go back to the fridge and look at the mayonnaise. This isn't plain ol mayonnaise, its not even plain on Miracle Whip...its new TANGY Miracle Whip. Which leads me to wonder, "Why can't I get some plain ol mayonnaise???"
Back to ESPN2 (or was that ESPN 1?) After about 10 minutes of Stuart Scott and no NFL combine results, I 've had it. I turn the TV off and jump online to check email.
No, I don't wanna see young Amanda have her lush, vibrant and supple body ravashed, I don't wanna get in touch with my old classmates, I don't need to stop smoking(but I know people who do...nah. I'll delete it anyway cuz its probably a scam) and I am totally satisfied with the size of my penis. Well, ok. MAYBE I'd be happier with about 3 more inches, but its already so hard enough for me to find pants..so to speak. I take another bite of my snadwich. "Why can't I get some plain ol' mayonnaise?"
So now, since I'm online, I decide to email my resume' to some people because I am in desparate need of a job. I go to monster.com, then ajcjobs.com, then yahoojobs.com, then techjobsonline.com, then careerbuilder.com..."Why can't I get some plain ol' mayonnaise?
They have customer service, level two customer service, entry level technical, second tier techincal, Tech supervisor, Field tech, in house tech, bench tech, Help desk, warehouse worker, forklift operator, CDL driver, CDL A driver, courier in need of a car, courier in need of a van, courier in need of a pick up truck..."Why can't I get some plain ol mayonnaise?"
I've finished my sandwich and my new tangy Miracle Whip. Interestingly enough, this could be the catalyst I need to actually set myself in motion to realize my fullest potential, finish all of these creative projects I'm working on because I need to get my stuff together. I need to save up enough money to get my own place, send my children to college, build a name for myself, and above all...GET SOME PLAIN OL MAYONNAISE!

:) 

Here's Lookin at you... 

Greetings ALL

Hey peeps. This is Reggie AKA I.C.O.N.
Just wanted to take this moment to say wsup to you and to just basically see if my picture uploaded. So just hold tight until I get back...